The holiday season is coming up. Some people are excited, singing Christmas music right after Halloween, others dread it. I dreaded it.

You see, for me when I think of Christmas I think of my mother-in-law who died a few days before Christmas two years ago.  I think of my birth father who passed away last year just a month before Christmas. I also remember a few years back getting the news a few days after Christmas that the baby who I was carrying in my belly had no heartbeat. I will always remember all the lonely Christmases I spent during the 10 year single parenting of my two eldest children. One year Christmas was spent with me, the following year was spent with their father. Those childless christmases where the worst, because I was in a foreign country without any family and I was having a pity party, e-a-c-h and e-v-e-r-y time. The christmases with my children were of course better, I could at least cuddle them and spend time with them, but then I would feel guilty about all the things that comes (or at least what I though that) comes with Christmas. I could not afford all the presents they wanted, buy all the beautiful decorations that we would see in the stores or give them a big family Christmas dinner…

And now after having been together 13 years with my husband, I will again have to spend Christmas without a spouse. My oldest children have lives and loves of their own. It will only be me and my 5 year old this year. And you know what? I am totally ok with that.

Despite the trials we are currently going through, God is working in my life. My husband and I need to be separated right now. I am not happy with the situation. I did not ask for this situation. But I am trusting in God who makes all things work together for good to those who love God.

I decided that I could never loose everything because  I will always have God. I also have finally been able to see, realize that I need to focus on the meaning of Christmas instead of the fuzzy Christmas we see around us on tv, in stores, on social media. We are celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ people, He came to end all suffering as Revelation tells us:

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

Revelation 21:3-5 New International Version (NIV)

So yesterday, we got a new tree. We got new Christmas tree ornaments and my son and I are looking for new traditions to start. We will draw nearer to Christ, because he is the greatest comforter and He will lift me, us, up again. For this I am sure.

You have shown me many troubles of all kinds. But You will make me strong again. And You will bring me up again from deep in the earth. Add to my greatness, and turn to comfort me.

Psalm 71:20-21 New Life Version (NLV)

This is how I chose to spend Christmas this year.

Do you want to share any new traditions we could try out this year? How did you cope? Would love to get some feedback.


The separation Christmas tree