When I find a blog I like, I look for the “about” page. I like it straight to the point, so when I find an about page that seems to never end, I usually just read the first and the last lines. I will try to spare you that dear blog visitor.
-I was born in the late seventies and surrendered to adoption at the age of 2 weeks old.
-Adoptive parents were from Belgium but emigrated to Canada.
-Parents divorced when I was young, the mom moved back to Belgium.
-I visited her and she had become an alcoholic and abusive mother.
-During one summer in Belgium I became pregnant and at almost 16 years old I became a first time mom.
-The father and I did not work out, but we had two children together. I was not even 18 years old yet when I became a single mom.
-Single mom for many years. Lonely, looking for love in the wrong places, having a hard time making ends meet. Making bad choices in life.
-Even though I grew up in a semi Christian household, I was mad at God for the painful things that had happened in my life and so I chose to live a life without Him and Oh how lonely those years were. It took me 11 years to realize that we 1. Live in a broken world.(suffering done unto me) and 2. That God gave me/us a free will. (suffering brought unto my self by the bad choices I have made). The only thing that God wanted was for me to love Him and accept Him. Through those lonely 11 years I can see were He tried to catch my attention (a bit like that “Footprints in the sand” poem) and so on one dark night when I was alone at home, I sat on the edge of my bed with an open Bible on my lap and I sobbed and asked Jesus back in my life. I surrendered to His love. It was an incredible moment, as if all the load that I had carried on my shoulders all those years, just.slipped.off.
-And so life became this new world to me. A world of fellowship, love, hope, forgiveness and grace. Around the same time I met my future husband to be.
-Soon after I became a christian my birth sister found me after I had given up looking myself (13 years spent searching for my birth family). I believed that my adoption had become my idol after hearing a sermon on the matter, so I put my adoption and my wanting to know the truth into God’s hands and after having been found, the outcome was more wonderful than I could have ever imagined. I was found and accepted back into my birth family. Both parents still together and they had two more children after me, whom they kept. (They were too young when they had me yet loved each other so much that they stayed together until my father’s death in 2017.)
-After getting married we tried for several years for a child of our own and after 3 failed IVF attempts I became pregnant, but due to placenta previa our baby was born at just 32 weeks old, not breathing, complications…but again…God preformed a miracle and our son pulled through and you would never know that he was a preemie by looking at him. The scariest time in my life but also the most humbling.
-I lost my birth father in 2017. Even though he did not raise me, I loved him deeply and I know that he loved me too because he told me constantly.
-And now…my marriage. Well, I cannot share much about it for the moment, let’s just say that I am a victim of abuse. But I believe in the power of God and entrust to Him our future. Whatever will happen. but for now, I am again a single mom, but I have faith in God this time round.
So here I am, hoping to find some therapy in writing, hoping to inspire others and trying to get back to normal, whatever normal is for me right now.